Meeting Him with empty hands

Advent has always been a challenge for me.  I always want to make each day of it full of joyful anticipation for the coming of Christmas.  It's not about shopping for gifts.  I do that, and get it done because it is expected to some extent by the children.  But really it is about making and baking, and that's where it gets crazy because I am one woman with six kids, two hands and only so many hours in a day.  It isn't that I have to do all this stuff; it is that I really want to, and I have to remind myself that I can only do so much, and some things will have to be put off for other Christmases.

I am learning to let go this year.  Let go of my expectations.  Because the only real expectation of Advent is the Lord's coming, right?  Will I berate myself if I don't get at least eight varieties of cookies baked this year?  Perhaps.  Will the kids mind?  Nope.  

It is sometimes a struggle just to hang onto joy during Advent.  It has been a rough year, financially.  Not just for us, but for many people.  Last week a repairman had to be called for the heat pump.  Thank goodness it was a relatively inexpensive repair to get it going.  On Sunday night, our van died.  Apparently, the fuel pump needs to be replaced.  That's a big deal, and we will take money out of savings for that.  This morning I have no water.  Bret will try replacing the switch on the pump to see if that is the problem.  I am hoping it is.  I don't know if I could deal with needing a new pump right before Christmas.

Being middle-aged with six young kids and no income is very, very humbling.  We have a small savings account, and watching it get whittled away is difficult, but what is there to be done?  We are not yet at a point where Bret has to take any job he can, so we are praying, praying that he can find something that makes use of his skills as a woodworker, and something that gives him a certain amount of flexibility.  

I am grateful.  I am grateful that for right now there is a savings to dip into.  I am grateful that my family is in good health, other than little colds and the like. I am grateful for our milk cow, our chickens and meat in the freezer. I am grateful to live in a country where poverty doesn't mean having to watch your children starve to death.  I am grateful for all the friends we have who do so much for us in all the little things they do.  I feel so unworthy.

And isn't that where our hearts should be during Advent?  Poor, grateful and recognizing our unworthiness?  Isn't it interesting how the Lord uses outward things to teach us inner realities?  It is the natural means of learning for us humans, made up of body and soul as we are.  Our Lord speaks to us in parables, and we live them.

Even if you are not struggling this Advent, even if you are in good health, comfortable and enjoying all the pleasures of the season, take a moment to reflect on your inner poverty, your neediness, and all the good that God has done for you, and how very much He loves you.  

Then wait with joy for His coming.

[Edited--after over an hour of Bret trying to diagnose the trouble, the pump began to work again.  I love it when God intervenes directly!]