Saturday, July 24, 2010
Up close and personal
I am joining a couple of favorite bloggers, Ariella and Ginny, in a portrait challenge. I take a lot of pictures, but I don't like to be in front of the camera. The last time I posted a self portrait, for my birthday last year, I had makeup on and took about 30 shots before I found one "post-able".
This time I mustered the nerve to forgo the makeup. Just a touch of moisturizer. No photo editing but to crop the photo and increase the exposure, as it was a bit dark.
I have never been happy with my looks. I have come to terms with them, however. In my twenties I could spend half an hour or more on makeup and hair, but now it's a ponytail and five minutes with a little blush and mascara, maybe a bit of concealer for the indications of sleeplessness, and I'm done.
I find myself concerned about looking old. My anxieties about aging always had more to do with a fear of illness and suffering than about wrinkles and gray hair, but having young children has changed that. I find myself nervous about looking like my children's grandmother. After all, I had my first three kids between the ages of 35 and 40, and the last 3 between 40 and 45. My own parents were 19 when I was born. When my grandmother was my age, I was 9. When Gemma finishes high school, I will be 64. I find myself praying that she won't be completely embarrassed by me, and that I can be young at heart and in good enough health to have a lot of fun with her.
I try to impress upon my kids that true beauty is that which God sees. We are what we are in His sight, no more, no less. Purity of heart is true beauty. Simplicity is true beauty. Piety is true beauty.
In light of that, may we all grow more and more beautiful with age.