I have been feeling a bit reflective, even amid the chaos of our return to school this week.
I have not managed to do a post on the handmade gifts of this Christmas yet. I still intend to, but since some of the gifts were costumes and clothing, and since pictures of clothing are much less interesting when not covering an actual person, it will take rounding up some willing models before I can do a complete post.
I thought that I might post, too, on my resolutions for the new year. Other than the rather mundane one of trying to learn to knit socks, I haven't really made any but one: that I will trust God more than I ever have before. I really think that He is calling me--and my family--to a new level of trust.
I have always been exceedingly security-minded in the past. Insecurity made me crazy with anxiety, and a few years ago our current situation would have had me sick to my stomach with nerves. But I am slowly learning to trust, and it hasn't come easily for me.
The insecurity of my childhood instilled a distrust in me that has been hard to shake. But slowly, through His many blessings and providential care, God has taught me how to trust. Or at least to begin to trust.
I still have a long way to go.
For many people of faith, trusting God is like taking the hand of a loving Father; for me, it has always felt like falling backwards over a dark precipice and hoping that you will not hit the bottom. And although I cannot say that this year I will trust God with all that I have, and all that I do, and all that I am, I do resolve to try and keep my mind from dwelling on the black pit of despair, and to keep my eyes on my God, who has loved me enough to patiently wait for me to trust Him and return His love.
So, whereas one could look at our start in 2011 and say, "Well, that's not very auspicious," I am full of hope. Hope that God is drawing us closer to Himself.
One of our priests recently said in a homily, to enlighten our understanding of the incarnation, to explain the madness of God's great condescension, "God loves man as if man was His god." What a thought.
May 2011 deepen your trust in God and bring you closer to Him.