This was something I came across in the Southern Farm and Land Almanac, a little free magazine that has information on events and planting times and such for our area. It is subtitled, 15 Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity, and there is no credit to the author, who perhaps wishes to remain anonymous. I dedicate it to the Carolina Cannonball, who works at a job she is less than fond of and who is capable of pulling off at least 10 of the 15 Ways below.
1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".
5. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone is over his or her caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks write, "For smuggling diamonds."
7. Order a "diet water" whenever you go out to eat. Keep a straight face.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is "To go."
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
11. Five days in advance, tell your friends that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
12. Have your co-workers address you by your "wrestling name", Rock Bottom.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
15. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."